02/26/08, 5:30am

February 26th, 5:30am: Whoa. Have I mentioned how quickly morning comes these days? Sorry about last night’s update, I sat down in my chair and closed my eyes for a minute and it was time to roll Windchill over his morning. For those of you that have been starting your day by reading these updates and using the dates I’ve posted as your frame of reference for other events in your life – big mistake. Keep in mind I have been operating under at most 4 hours sleep on a good night, have fallen asleep posting these updates and use the previous day’s date if I haven’t gone to sleep because tomorrow doesn’t start until I’ve at least closed my eyes for a little while. So sorry for any confusion or missed meetings or the perception that I was writing from the future on one or two of my updates.

Last night was a mixture of good and not so good from my viewpoint. We hoisted Windchill up at his usual time, which he was excited about – but he was only able to stand for maybe 15 minutes.  After being down for approximately 45 minutes he was very frustrated at being down again and wanted to be lifted back up so we did it again. He stood for a little bit longer the second time but then needed to lay back down. That made me sad and worried. While his legs are still flexing and moving they’re cold. Polly is making him special leg wraps that we keep rotating to try and keep him warm. It breaks my heart seeing how badly he wants to stand but can’t. We have some decisions to make in the days ahead. Our vet has cleared him for travel but it’s a truly mixed bag – we think there’s probably enough donations to help with a good portion of the costs for at least a two week stay. Not sure as we haven’t added up our guestimates on everything but I have charge cards so I’m not worried about that, we can worry about paying that off later. The issues are the difficulty of the ride there for him in a trailer and the fact that once there he really will have to stay until he’s on his feet and he slips in and out of depression. I kind of love the little guy with all my heart (something I think I can comfortably represent is true for all of his volunteers that have gotten to know him) and even though he’d be surrounded good folks, it wouldn’t be us. We couldn’t sit with him in the barn and hold him. I can’t check on him late at night. It’d be good for Kathi in that she wouldn’t be out there at 4am. But conversely it would be bad for Kathi – because she wouldn’t be out there at 4am. You’ve all done so much to help us with prayers and donations and sitting with him, could you maybe see if the they’d be willing to move everything here so we don’t have to decide this?… Sometimes being a parent can be so hard…

A horse’s body condition is rated on a 1-9 Body Condition Score. 1 is completely emaciated, 9 is obese. Unfortunately I have been corrected that my understanding of where Windchill was on the score is incorrect. I thought he was a 1. Windchill is a 0. Windchill does not even rate on the BCS – AFTER TWO WEEKS OF GRAINING, FEEDING AND WATERING. The vet assures us he’s making slow progress – our best testament of this right now is that he is alive. Another positive sign is that his eyes are getting brighter. His coat is also getting shinier. And the fact that he stands regularly just amazes the experts. But after two weeks he’s not even registering – I have to really, really, really restrain myself from editorializing about how somebody could watch a being literally fade away by starvation like this. I’m not telling Windchill, we’re going to keep telling him he’s doing great. The reality is he was a live spirit in a basically dead body. There are probably all kinds of spiritual or clinical experts who can ‘philosophize’ (is that a word?) about how  or why the little guy is even still here. I believe hope and an absolutely unfathomable desire to live kept him alive in that cold pasture – a fight that began long before we arrived to drag him out that day. Think about it – Windchill didn’t suddenly starve, it’s a process that takes time so he had to stand out in sub-zero temperatures and actively decide not to give up – not to do what would have been so easy and so understandable and just lay down and let the sweet release of the bitter cold overwhelm him into oblivion. Another lost soul the world would never have heard of. Instead he went through hunger pangs every day as his body withered away and he felt the signs of dehydration and starvation taking their toll. And he stood out there and waited and hoped and slowly died but absolutely refused to give up until approximately 10am on February 9th. And even after he had fallen – Windchill REFUSED NOT TO LIVE! That incredible little spirit and your prayers and hope keep alive a little guy whose body has told him he shouldn’t be. Kind of makes your problems look a whole lot smaller by comparison doesn’t it? I know it does mine. He is completely focused on two things: Keep living – and stand up.