March, 2010

A friend sent me this piece, I’m sorry, I don’t know who to attribute it to but whoever you are out there, thanks for having the guts to say it. I’m tired of how society has turned men into wussies – we all must be ‘nice’ which in turn means doormats, whipped puppies like the idiots you see on television where being a man now means you’re either stupid, incapable of handling any sort of situation whatsoever without the help of smart aleck quipping kids or having a woman bail his sorry butt out.

A Retrosexual Man

Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I’ve taken all I can stand and I can’t stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like “style” and “feng shui.” Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non- sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual – bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell “ENOUGH!” I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement. ”

The Code :

A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn’t worry about living to be 90. It’s not how long you live, but how well. If you’re 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he’s 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the “Dealing with IT” portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with “Queer” in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain’t worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree-chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn’t pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie — and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can’t hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can — or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it’s just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little “wakin’ up”.

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your truck.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so- called men still in their seats with a disgusted “you punks” look on his face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/ engaged or in a serious healthy relationship – i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his truck–that would happen because of a “force of nature”, and then the retrosexual man’s options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn’t need a contract — a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn’t immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!

March 24th, 5:54m: Hello friends, I’m back. I took some time to try and recovery and recuperate. I’m sorry if that left a void, that wasn’t intentional. I’ve missed you too. I’m doing better – I can breathe easier now. I found myself writing similar things to folks who wrote out of concern, so I posted what I’ve been up to on the forum. I know that not everyone checks the forum yet, so I’ll copy and paste my post here so we’re all up to speed, okay? Here it is:

I received some emails from worried folks wondering if I’m okay so I wanted to post a quick note to let you know that I am okay. I was responding to some of those emails and figured since they were asking what you may be asking, maybe I should just cut and paste a response here to let you know what all I’ve been up to.

The reality is I tried all the hot toddy recipes you emailed or posted and have been in rehab for my now chronic alcoholism. I kept forgetting how many steps were in my program and so had to keep repeating it and then had to take anger counseling because of all of you cowgirls who led me awry… I’m of course kidding, after that first attempt with the hot toddy mix, I now use the ingredients for removing rust from my horse trailer.

I am doing better – can breathe much easier now. I find the lingering effects of the pneumonia have my energy reserves majorly tapped which has made it tough because unfortunately life doesn’t really slow down much just because I have. I also found in trying to help people with their grief over Windchill’s loss, I didn’t really deal with my own and so separating out the effects of the pneumonia from the probable depression or grief over his loss has been difficult and frustrating for me. So I took a step back to try and recover some from all the posting, and answering people’s heartfelt grief-filled emails to try and rest my own system.

I’m also doing more of the behind the scenes stuff to assist in getting Windchill’s non-profit up and running – working on the legal side of things as well as designing a new website that will give us a platform to build all of the things onto that we hope to have – educational things, legislative and my own personal goal of having a national online network connected to the site to connect people in the middle of equine rescues in with those that can help the way they did with us and Windchill. The world was a lifesaver and the support was so invaluable.

I appreciate your concerns and worry. I’m alive and recovering. I’ll slowly start catching up here on the forum, I see in the time I’ve been away there’s hundreds of posts so it’ll be a long time before I can catch up I’m guessing. I’ll post as I can, and I’ll blog on my site as well. It will be awhile before I’m back at the pace I was, I have unfortunately discovered I am apparently mortal – a frustrating discovery. In time I’ll regain the denial of that fact as it gets in the way of riding the scarier horses when you know you’re breakable. Denial can go a long way sometimes…

And we’ll start taking you up on the offers to help with the non-profit. After we’re through the formation part we can start focusing on the important part – implementing its mission. That’s going to take all of you – not me because I’m management so I plan to lead by issuing memos and taking long lunches (kidding – see, I am feeling better).

Thanks for being here guys – you mean a lot to me and all of us.

Your friend,

Jeff

March 19th, 11:19am: Okay guys, I apparently have no clue how to make “hot toddies” as recommended on Windchill’s Forum. I think somebody needs to give me far more precise measurements, the one I made could’ve cleaned rust off old pipes. I could only take a sip. I should clarify – I made that last night, not this morning.

March 17th, 5:40pm: Hey, if you haven’t seen snowfall in awhile – click on the Raindance North cam (http://raindance.ww.com). It’s coming down in big white fluffy flakes. The cats have lined the window sill to watch it and bat at it as it falls gently downward, oblivious of the feline mayhem that awaits it on this side of the window if any of it makes a wrong turn and ends up inside the house. Apparently we’re supposed to get a couple of inches.
Merlin kitty watches the snow fall this eveningI’m doing okay guys. I appreciate the concern. It’s taking me a little longer than I thought it would to get back fully on my feet. I don’t really like it, it removes some of my immortality and invulnerability I’m finding. Unfortunately neither life at the farm, nor life at work have slowed down even though I have for the moment and that isn’t helping. I’ve given up even trying to answer emails or work on organizing this site or even blog, just too hard to breathe right now and I figure a couple of days slacking won’t be the end of the world, right? I miss our morning coffee time together though- for that I’m sorry. But…if I can’t have coffee right now neither should you, why should I be the only one suffering at the moment (kidding – keep having coffee, I don’t wish this on anyone and there’s no need for you to face life going unleaded). I will let you in on a little secret for recovering from the flu, a bad cold or walking pneumonia (aside from Patty’s amazing pork chops and gravy that she dropped off out here along with the fixins to make a hot toddy which I hope to try tonight – thank you Patty!) – don’t let this out, I work in healthcare and we don’t want to lose the business but since you’re all friends and you’ve gone out of your way to help me, us and Windchill – I’m going to reveal the secret here, right now – it’s Doritos. Also orange juice but if you don’t have orange juice just ignore that part, the Doritos is the secret. You never saw me sick before this did you? I suppose you’re thinking you had never seen me before this but that’s irrelevant. I suggest Spicy Cheese Doritos but the correct Rx is based on your level of illness. Just email me if you get sick and I can prescribe the right type of Doritos according to your symptoms. Anyway, I stopped on the way home to get some tonight so I’m pretty sure I’ll be cured soon and in my weakened state you managed to get the secret out of me. Anyway, thanks for bearing with me here while I fight this crud, unfortunately it all caught up with me at once and mix that with the feelings – I suppose even the depression – of losing Windchill and I guess it takes a little more time to recover. We haven’t been resting much though – we have the non-profit’s name, articles of incorporation and mission statement done. I guess I just hate not doing anything and that’s stuff that can be done in the house. Anyway, mostly wanted to let you know I’m doing okay, down but definitely not out.

March 15th, 10:00pm: I’m sorry I haven’t had the chance to start working on the videos and other photos on here. This pneumonia crap has really taken it out of me so I’ve been trying to rest a bit. I did get outside today and move some round bales out to the pastures with Excalibur so we should be good out there for awhile. It was a pretty day – Paula from Duluth came over and gave a few of the horses a good brushing. I forgot to warn her how hot the hot cocoa was so I’m hoping she’s not spending the evening in an ER as a result… I’ll try to post more in a day or two. I need to start organizing this as well, I never designed my site to be a blogging site yet I know quite a few of you use this for your news so I’m hesitant to make any dramatic changes but I’ll see what I can do to organize it at least. Sorry for the short report – but I know you’ve been worried so thought I’d better log in and let you know I’m still breathing, albeit a little slower and harsher.

I see Windchill’s Forum is very active – I’m very proud of you guys for helping each other through the grief and pain. You’ve been great support to me as well and we appreciate all the ideas and information you’ve been sharing. The forum will also be your best place for the trial news. I’ve decided I’m not going to blog on the trial for the owners of the farm he was at. Honestly you guys do a better job tracking it all online anyway and I just think it’s better if I’m not the one posting about it.

After goofing around with one of our laptops, Eddie has ended up on our webpage…(move your mouse around, he loves to watch it – remember to turn on your speakers and rub his chest)

Chaos densensitizes himself with a bag

March 13th, 10:16pm: I think this may be the longest period I haven’t posted, a whole day. This stuff sure takes it out of you. Top it off with a day of mud being thrown and it’s a full and complete day. I don’t see it as being productive to dignify some of the stupid things being said or written with an answer, it’d waste my otherwise witty repertoire and drain what little energy I have. By now you’ve all seen the article, you’ve seen the decision and how it was conveyed. We’re disappointed but we’re using this opportunity to continue the formation of Windchill’s non-profit organization with a goal of applying for 501(c)3 status (tax deductible non-profit).  It’s is a fairly lengthy process but we have both attorneys and accountants who are assisting us pro bono (donating their time and expertise) so the donations we have received towards this can be used for the mission. Donors can choose to donate to the new organization or not – either way we intend to carry onward and sincerely appreciate your thoughts and the donations we have received. Your assistance would be very welcome. We have three board members already and have the articles of incorporation almost ready to be filed – woohoo!

As for the mud slinging itself, I guess I’d ask if it’s worth it? It’s unlikely anybody involved in it currently is going to change the other’s opinions. Some things are loudly worth fighting for – I understand that. Letters asking for justice or requesting and supporting change are an example if you ask me. But some of the ugliness I saw posted before I decided it wasn’t worth assimilating anymore, I don’t think that’s worth my time. Some people need to believe the world is a truly jaded, horrible place. They need to fit all circumstances they see, hear or read about into that view – thus to them the only reason people do things is self benefit or personal gain. It’s a sad statement that so many have reached that point in their lives and thus they perpetuate that as  reality, causing the rest of us to  then view the world cynically…until something like Windchill happens and reminds us that there is good in the world, in fact much more good than bad, much more positive than negative. I think the problem is the negative gets better press so it seems like there’s so much more of it. And to those that have chosen to attack me personally, as well as my farm – have you been out here? You’re certainly welcome to. Got lots of chores – you can help shovel things here literally that you’re currently shoveling figuratively. And it just might be good for your soul to be around the gentle spirits of a bunch of horses, an over-zealous dog and a couple of lazy cats. I promise if at the end of your visit it hasn’t been everything I promised, you can go back to cynically hating me with no hard feelings and then add some legitimacy to your statements because you’ll actually have met me and can make it a more personal form of cynical dislike rather than the current distant, armchair variety. A word of warning though – I can’t hug you right now because of the pneumonia so if that part of the visit is important to you (we all know how much cynics like to hug), you’ll want to continue disparaging me from a distance for now and schedule once I’ve gotten better.