Storm of the century!

The dictionary defines the term “meteorologist” as:
1. One who studies meteorology.
2. One who reports and forecasts weather conditions.

What it fails to include is item number 3: A scientific sounding name for being wrong nearly 100% of the time.

Case in point – for the past couple of days these esteemed fortune tellers of the weather have been warning us about the impending big storm. Road plow crews were placed on 12 hour shifts, people were told to hoard their children, gather food, burn their paneling and furniture, be ready to eat their pets, save bottles of air for when our communities lay buried under an avalache of snow, starting Friday night snow was to begin to falling in amounts tantamount to biblical proportions, by Saturday we were told up to a foot of snow will have befallen us – for those of us who lived to see it Saturday night would see a lull and Sunday it was all to begin again, with another half foot predicted. This morning as I look out at the slightly overcast sky and wondered if I should sweep the few flakes that had apparently gotten lost and fallen on porch, I wondered how much these people are getting paid.
What a perfect job. Paid to be right or wrong in percentages. How safe would you feel if you settled into your seat on the aircraft to hear “Ladies and gentlemen, we’d like to welcome you aboard Snafu Airlines Flight 911, I’m your Captain, Allis Lost. Today there’s a 10% chance we’ll be cruising at 35,000 feet, with 70% chance of arriving safely at our destination…” Or go to the dentist to be told there’s a “40% chance I’m about to drill into the correct tooth, with an 80% chance of success (and that remaining 20% chance of accidentally drilling through your jaw)…”

“Yes sir, and how would you like that done? Medium rare? Well there’s a 70% chance you’ll be able to survive eating it without salmonella or some other horrible fate befalling you, and what would you like to drink with that last meal?…”

Or in my job, wonder how long my board of directors would keep me employed if I told them there’s a 60% chance we’ll be in the black next week, or telling staff there’s a 40% chance they won’t have a job if I screw up some other percentage. A large part of my job is forecasting, sometimes up to 1, 2 and 3 years out. If I screw it up, people lose jobs so there’s not this little comfortable “30% chance”. I’d imagine you probably have a job that requires some degree of accuracy in what you do – are you able to come within 20% and call that accurate and keep your job? So why do we give these chronic liars a scientific sounding title like “meteorologist?” Why aren’t they called weather fortune tellers? Guess I’d better go sweep up the few flakes from the perfect storm and let the animals know they’re safe, I don’t need eat them today.