Even Echoes Fade…

Written by Jeffrey L Tucker on November 11th, 2010

I went to Gander Mountain today, Jord. Our birthday tradition. I took the same path we always ended up taking. I looked at rifles. No, I still haven’t bought a 30/30 yet. Always figured we’d do that together on a someday that never came. I looked at those trail cameras you liked. They’re the same price. We shudda just bought you one. I never gave you a budget. It never occurred to me that wouldve helped you look for stuff. I was just happy to be there with you. I learned from you. Today I turned my cell phone off. Just like you did. I was in the moment. Like you were. I looked at all those fishing lures, like we always did. But this time I couldn’t hear your voice. Even the echoes have faded.

I tried so hard to remember what you told me about what they all did. I tried to hear your voice. But it’s gone. I walked the same aisles. Searching for you…desperately listening. I looked for you in the parking lot – the last place I saw you alive. I remember you trying to choose between that deer shirt and the bass one and telling you to get both. I remember telling you that you should get a job at Gander Mountain as we stood in line and laughing when you said you’d work for store credit. You said you’d look for a job after hunting season and I agreed it was better to wait. I found the fishing lure you were so excited we bought you. They’ve moved them and I still found it. Just like I found it next to your bed after you died. The same one that’s on top of your ashes on my shelf.

There was just as many people here this year but the store was so much emptier without your voice explaining to me what all this stuff is. I don’t know if I’ll come back here next year now that you’re not here. I didn’t realize the echoes would fade too. I’ll still remember each and every birthday Jordan. I just don’t think it will be here.

6 Comments so far ↓

  1. Nov
    11
    9:35
    AM
    mgjohn817

    Hi Jeff, I know what you mean about the sound of Jordan’s voice being harder to hear or remember. It was the same after my wife died 13 years ago…. but even though I no longer can hear or remember the sound of her voice…. I still hear her speaking to me…. in my mind and in my heart…. and I pray that you will always hear Jordan in that way also. Take care my friend. John

  2. Nov
    11
    11:20
    AM
    Eilene Wood

    Jeff I’m so sorry, big husgs go you and xoxoxo

  3. Nov
    11
    1:18
    PM
    Eilene Wood

    Geez, I can’t type, let me try this again, BIG HUGS TO YOU AND XOXOXOXO….X

  4. Nov
    14
    3:16
    AM
    Eilene Wood

    John I’m sorry about the loss of your wife. 🙁

  5. Nov
    14
    9:52
    AM
    Jeffrey L Tucker

    I agree John – I am truly sorry for your loss. Jeff

  6. Jan
    21
    3:02
    AM
    shawnmarie

    WOW, I went to your site to see your horses and found the story of Windchill and set and read it and cryed and THEN I seen the tribute to your precous son.. I can’t say that I totally understand how you and your family felt or feel, but on march 13, 1999 my son who was your sons age and his girlfriend and her family were all traveling to a play on a beautiful day in spring when they were struck by a drunk driver and my son Tony’s girlfriend Jesse was driving and she was killed instantly and Tony broke his back and her mom broke her neck and hip and Jesse’s two sisters sustained minor injuries. But.. they all sustained the worst injure and that was broken hearts, it was truelly more than a human can bear at times, you have shown SUCH STRENGTH and courage, Jesse too has a blog or website, she was a beautiful wonderful girl who graced my life and my sons life for 4 years, her mother is alot like you, she has overcome so much and lives on as a tribute to her beautiful daughter. I am totally in awe of people like you and Jesse’s mom. YOu truelly are a mazing people. My son has went on with his life, but a day does not pass that we all think and talk of Jesse. He has remainded close to her family, they are our family. Thankyou for your story it is so inspireing. shawnmarie

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