Horse

March 13th, 10:16pm: I think this may be the longest period I haven’t posted, a whole day. This stuff sure takes it out of you. Top it off with a day of mud being thrown and it’s a full and complete day. I don’t see it as being productive to dignify some of the stupid things being said or written with an answer, it’d waste my otherwise witty repertoire and drain what little energy I have. By now you’ve all seen the article, you’ve seen the decision and how it was conveyed. We’re disappointed but we’re using this opportunity to continue the formation of Windchill’s non-profit organization with a goal of applying for 501(c)3 status (tax deductible non-profit).  It’s is a fairly lengthy process but we have both attorneys and accountants who are assisting us pro bono (donating their time and expertise) so the donations we have received towards this can be used for the mission. Donors can choose to donate to the new organization or not – either way we intend to carry onward and sincerely appreciate your thoughts and the donations we have received. Your assistance would be very welcome. We have three board members already and have the articles of incorporation almost ready to be filed – woohoo!

As for the mud slinging itself, I guess I’d ask if it’s worth it? It’s unlikely anybody involved in it currently is going to change the other’s opinions. Some things are loudly worth fighting for – I understand that. Letters asking for justice or requesting and supporting change are an example if you ask me. But some of the ugliness I saw posted before I decided it wasn’t worth assimilating anymore, I don’t think that’s worth my time. Some people need to believe the world is a truly jaded, horrible place. They need to fit all circumstances they see, hear or read about into that view – thus to them the only reason people do things is self benefit or personal gain. It’s a sad statement that so many have reached that point in their lives and thus they perpetuate that as  reality, causing the rest of us to  then view the world cynically…until something like Windchill happens and reminds us that there is good in the world, in fact much more good than bad, much more positive than negative. I think the problem is the negative gets better press so it seems like there’s so much more of it. And to those that have chosen to attack me personally, as well as my farm – have you been out here? You’re certainly welcome to. Got lots of chores – you can help shovel things here literally that you’re currently shoveling figuratively. And it just might be good for your soul to be around the gentle spirits of a bunch of horses, an over-zealous dog and a couple of lazy cats. I promise if at the end of your visit it hasn’t been everything I promised, you can go back to cynically hating me with no hard feelings and then add some legitimacy to your statements because you’ll actually have met me and can make it a more personal form of cynical dislike rather than the current distant, armchair variety. A word of warning though – I can’t hug you right now because of the pneumonia so if that part of the visit is important to you (we all know how much cynics like to hug), you’ll want to continue disparaging me from a distance for now and schedule once I’ve gotten better.

March 11th, 9:16pm: Well at least I know why my body is so heavy lately and I can’t quite breathe…walking pneumonia…groan… I’m wiped so I’m sorry but this will be a short post and I’ll make it up to you guys, okay?

I saw on Windchill’s forum that the owners of the farm Windchill was at have apparently received a threatening letter from someone. I understand your anger and your frustration but threatening people isn’t the way to go about it. Windchill was the sweetest, most innocent being I think I have ever met. He had a gentle, peaceful spirit. If he held no anger and hatred in his soul towards any of us – shouldn’t we honor his spirit by continuing forward with his same quiet resolve? You can write letters but I really think you should rise above those that harm other beings, through abuse or neglect, by channeling that anger – that desire to protect the vulnerable like Windchill – and write letters to those that can cause positive change so this doesn’t happen again. Write your senators, your congressman – tell them Windchill’s story and ask for stronger legislation so that it’s not a mere slap on the wrist. Write your county boards and ask for tougher ordinances. Call your local law enforcement or humane society if you suspect abuse or neglect. You, the world, came together to help show a little colt he could know love – and you won. You showed him. Now show that same faith and action and turn your anger to energy and use that energy to cause change. Keep a button or picture of Windchill with you – look into his eyes, look at his face. You never saw anger – you always, always saw hope and quiet resolve. Every single day from the moment Windchill got here his eyes burned with that hope. You’re reading this because you heard or saw the story of a little colt who believed he could be loved and he in turn loved us. He brought the world together and he made you all a family. Let’s face the world with the same quiet dignity that Windchill showed the world. I think he proved you don’t need violence to cause revolution. Just faith and resolve.

As for the owners of that farm, they are now being held accountable by the justice system. It now falls on the shoulders of the district attorney’s office and the courts to try those individuals. It will probably be a long and frustrating process to many. One of the best ‘weapons’ against resolve is time. We as a society like things done quickly. The longer it takes, the less stamina we have. I just want to bring that to your attention because this is not going to be a battle that goes to the swift, it will go to those that last the longest. Is Windchill worth it to you?

In Wisconsin we will be working towards a Windchill’s Law. You can do the same in your State or county. Over time Windchill’s foundation will have materials to help you in this fight – a summary of what happened here, a request for change you can use for your letters, a network to help people in their fight – as well as  to help those that are helping horses like Windchill all over this country. To do it – we need you. We need that energy you have. Together we can positively cause change.

March 10th, 10:15pm: As I mentioned earlier, I know many of you are still getting your news from me right here and you’re eagerly watching to see if I post about the hearing today. I will-  though there’s not much to tell. The farm owners were scheduled for a 3pm appearance at the Douglas County Courthouse – their attorney entered their plea of ‘not guilty’ and it was off to the next case. Around 10 or so showed up in support of Windchill, we all wore purple ribbons or Windchill buttons.  I don’t know if I’ll post much about the case here or on the forums. I’m just not sure. I’m tied too closely to it. I think it would probably be too easy to stir emotions and public sentiment with my own chaotic emotions on this and I don’t want to abuse the trust you have placed in me by reading my words here and coming back each day. I don’t know. I’m conflicted because then I think I have come this far and told Windchill’s story and isn’t this a part of it? Yet I don’t think this is the most important part. The most important part started February 9th and it grew and grew and grew. Only his body left us February 29th, his spirit is still here. I find it difficult to return to the ways of old. My body is still programmed for the routine we had for those 20 days so a return to eating and sleeping hasn’t occurred yet, not fully. More importantly is the desire to keep things rolling on his non-profit. Every day there’s a new volunteer, a new resource. We’re developing the website for him. We have several folks we’ve asked to consider being on the board. We have an attorney working on the formation of the organization, along with another matter. And we’ve started sketching ideas for the database behind the national resource network. We have a start to being able to help others in their rescues – we have you. You are the most powerful ‘force’ I think I’ve ever experienced. I was once on the end of runway not paying attention when the crew chief marshaled an F-4D fighter out of its position. It turned and there I looked into the turbines as the pilot wound it up to taxi – it inflated my lungs, picked me straight up and I flew – standing perfectly vertical – for quite a ways before landing – again on my feet. That feeling was nothing compared to what  I have seen firsthand with the power of your love and caring – and it is AWESOME. And we have a ton of coffee and cookies to prove it…

I may change my thoughts on this but I think for at least right now I will keep you updated by perhaps posting links to the places on the forum where people are tracking the case and let them be my reports to you. I saw someone had posted the next date is April 7th for a pre-trial hearing and update.

Let’s see – oh yeah, one other thing I forgot to tell you I think – I’ve asked the computer company to finish the work on the webcams we had started for Windchill. The signal booster thing and router are already in there from their previous work, they just need to install the cams they had ordered for Windchill and for his security – so you guys can watch a baby horse be born. You’ll then be able to watch the (Lord willing) healthy foal grow, nurse, feed, play. I think you’re going to really enjoy this and hopefully it will help all of our hearts a little bit to see new life where another was lost to us. And I have no doubt Windchill will be there in spirit with the new baby. I feel him now from time to time. And sometimes when I look in his stall I still see him pushing himself around in circles and I laugh. And I cry. I think becoming so recognized nationally, even internationally, is amazing and an honor and a surprise. But selfishly I would trade the ‘honor’ to see him standing in the stall now next to his half-sisters, and playing with the boys in the North (Skyla) pasture every morning – just another anonymous horse at a little known backwoods farm on a hill overlooking Lake Superior where he played with an unknown blue eyed dog and was fed by an unknown blue eyed cowboy or a trainer who is perhaps a little more well known…and yet somehow the anonymity never bothered him or his brothers or sisters in those pastures because they were loved and they knew it.

March 10th, 9:15pm: Let’s see – first of all, apparently most of you are still looking for your news and things here and haven’t seen the forum so I wanted to share with you that a friend named Betsy, from Duluth took one of the last photos of Windchill on February 29th. This past Saturday she brought out buttons for the Windchill care team made from this picture. FYI, at Walgreens Plaza in Duluth – 218.724.8551 (ask for Lynn in the Camera Department) – Betsy had it turned into a button that she brought for the crew that took care of Windchill.

Betsy graciously offered the negative to us (again, at Walgreens) for others who may want to order the buttons and wear them, particularly to the court house if you’re going but elsewhere as well, in support of Windchill. The intention is to reinforce the support out there for Windchill.

If enough of you would like, we could probably go order a big batch and send them out to people, Betsy said they were around $2.25 I believe, something in that area. I don’t know if Walgreens will ship, or if you can perhaps order from a Walgreens near you since I think they put it in their system but I don’t know for sure. I’ll call to get more details tomorrow, okay?

March 9th, 10:10pm: After chores tonight I came inside and I answered as many emails as I could. I typed and typed. I feel that so many of you have poured your hearts out to me in emails, you have felt such pain over Windchill’s loss that I feel an obligation to you to read them – and to write you back. And I will. I guess it will take time. I finally had to lay down for awhile and found my body much heavier than when I laid it down. I guess I figured out tonight that I have gotten so used to the schedule we had with Windchill here – that I was maintaining that pace. Maybe somehow believing it would make him come back. It was something that connected me to him. I was used to no sleep. I was used to life being a blurred frame of night and day, people coming and going, making sure Windchilll had volunteers for the part of the blur we weren’t here to personally cover. My day revolved more around 6pm than any other time. 6pm was the highlight of my day. The people that became Windchill’s family became mine. We all cheered a little after 6pm every day for the past X amount of blur. Someday I will read my own blog to figure out how much time that was. Proud parents watching a child learn to walk again. And bless their hearts, that same ‘family’ are the ones that came to my rescue with the horse trailer. It never occurred to me to ask them. I’m used to being in it alone – so I always have a backup plan. I wracked my brain trying to figure out how the backup plan for the trailer failed – I had a spare tire, I had fix-a-flat, I had a hydraulic jack as backup to the trailer ramp for replacing the tire. All of which failed. I brought the trailer home and it broke on the way – none of the usual supplies I have for this planned-for situation were with. That’s not me. I always plan.

Well tonight it occurred to me it wasn’t my plan failing – it was another one’s succeeding. Windchill’s last vision on this earth was that we were his family – me, Kathi, Gary and Polly, Lori and Ashley, Larry and Char, Sunday and Kisses, the boys across the aisle, Walker and Olivia, Karen, Stacy, all of his close volunteers – we were his family. And you, the world, were intertwined as well – he felt you, knew you were there – and so did we. It took a completely unfathomable situation – with a series of events that are beyond coincidental (I plan for every conceivable circumstance with my toolkit and travel supplies! ) for me to realize.  I’ve thought and thought about this. I blamed it on my tiredness originally – but the toolkit is in my truck. The equipment worked when I put it in the trailer. But – the last time when the trailer broke Thursday night, I was given only enough odds and ends to get the trailer to a place to leave it. Windchill’s last vision on earth wasn’t just about himself. I didn’t know that. I assumed that with Windchill’s passing – so went everybody else. I was back to ‘me’ or having to solve things here ourselves. I was wrong. Windchill’s vision of family applied to me too – to us. It took the over-active imagination of a 9 month old colt to knock me over the head repeatedly to let me know I’m not alone. (I’ve learned Windchill, please ease up on the trailer now…)  Windchill brought together strangers and acquaintances and turned them into friends and somewhere in all this we became a family. He brought together strangers from all over the world and in no time at all – they were part of his family as well. You came together, you helped, you prayed, you supported. And now, you support each other on his forum, helping each other to heal and working so that good can come of what has happened. And you reached out and helped me. Thank you all for being here and not going away. I’m not going anywhere either. Thanks for becoming my family. And most of all, thanks Windchill for not forgetting me, or us. I miss you terribly but I thank you for still being here. And I understand now.

Love, your dad

March 9th, 3:26pm: Well we have returned after a slow journey bringing the trailer over the bridge to WI. I owe Chad at Northland Truck Accessories in Duluth a “thank you” for letting me abandon the barge there for those couple of days and Larry & Char Ericksen a thanks as well for showing up at my door to announce they had the equipment in the truck and were going to try and raise the beast. By the time we got there to unload hay and straw from it, Larry had already hooked up the trailer, taken the wheel off, anchored the forward axle and was ready to go! And guess what – we DOUBLED the speed we were able to haul it from the 10mph last Thursday night to over 20mph at times. My apologies to those on the Oliver Bridge and on who were stuck behind us…

If you weren’t already aware, we have a baby due in the next week or so and so I may still ask the computer company about running the web server with cam so the world can watch a baby be born and what a foal looks like as it develops. Hopefully Bonnie will wait a bit longer to let it warm up. After that the only other one due is actually going to be a Windchill half brother or sister, due this Spring to Lily. Also, if you haven’t been over to Windchill’s forum, I put a brief history of Windchill’s background prior to February 9th. Windchill’s dad is the stallion Kathi stands here, his name is Simmer. Simmer’s gentle spirit is probably in part where Windchill’s gentleness came from. The one claim to fame I have with Simmer is that I’ve taught him to put his ears back so he can wear my cowboy hat. He moves very slowly when I put it on his head, trying to balance it. He thinks it’s good for meeting mares and really, he looks quite good in a cowboy hat.

March 8th, 11:58pm: Smile…you know after talking to so many of you today I already know that you are watching and waiting to silently say “hi” even as I type this. And now I know what some of you look like – up til now you’ve had the advantage and had seen me (like that’s helpful for anything I guess…). We’re really all friends and family at this point, aren’t we. We talked a bit about the forum today – again many thanks are owed to Sara (“Spooky”) for some long days and nights getting it going and then moving it once we realized the old server place couldn’t handle the volume you guys dish out. I hadn’t realized how much coming here to ‘virtual’ Raindance – this website – meant to so many. While Windchill was the being that drew you here, it seems Raindance has become your farm, if only on your computer screen. It seems to be the first visit of the day for most folks, checking over a cup of coffee and then the last stop before heading off to bed. Some of you check throughout the day as well – even now. I’m honored. I don’t feel like I’m much of a ‘speaker’ but it seems we’re destined to be lifelong friends, you the world and me. I’m glad I’ve gotten to see your faces so that as we get together here a couple of times a day and we talk over a steaming cup of coffee – I can picture you as well. Since Raindance has become your chosen country home – I’ll do my best in the days ahead to give you all a better picture of what it’s like here, how about that? I’ll take more pictures and introduce you to the residents of our pastures and house. Or if you’d prefer, I won’t bore you with those details. You can let me know.

Today was a good day. It was cold enough to at least give people a minimal taste of  what it was like February 9th. No wind, and 20 degrees warmer than it was that day but I think Windchill gave us enough of a taste. To counter-balance it he put in a good word and it was sunny out. Kind of bittersweet weather to match the occasion. Raindance’s flags have flown at half mast all week. Tomorrow (which is now actually today as I type this) the flags will return to their place flying high. Around 45 people visited today to see our place and Windchill’s humble stall. Windchill’s oak urn sat atop his favorite red blanket adorned by a patriotic cross, the small sack of tobacco, the prayer beads given while he was a live, and some pictures. The stall was decorated by all the cards we have received, along with the various children’s posters and book we received. The sled we pulled him out on was next to his urn. We can’t complain about a long day – Patty flew in from Indiana to be here – her day started at midnight the night before. She brought treats for everyone and a beautiful floral arrangement with red roses representing Windchill and white baby’s breath representing the snow. Patty, you left before I could hug you goodbye, I was getting more coffee for everyone – I’m sorry! There was friends from around the area, the Twin Cities and the Iron Range. Lots of offers for help with the foundation in lots of ways – thank you so much. There is no unneeded talent – only unrecognized talent and skills and your skills are needed. Do you sew? Can you write? Take pictures? Help organize in your area? Make care packages for those doing rescue work? YOU are needed and you are powerful in your actions – every single one of you. As for those that came here Saturday – I only wish you people had eaten more! All those cookies and bars that people flew in for this occasion, neighbors bringing things by – you have to get better at eating in the cold if you’re to pull barn duty! Let’s hope someday the only barn duty anybody has to pull is for foaling. If we’re going to dream, dream big, right? I am going to be typing people’s names on Windchill’s “Thank You” list for a LONG time to come. A new friend came out to tell us they are building a barn in Iron River and will be accepting rescue horses as part of their plan. You see – one step at a time, Windchill has had an impact and influence. You – We – and Us – can make a difference. I’m so proud of all of you. So much so I even hugged people back. I guess you can thank Windchill for that – prior to February 9th I was happy having people outside of my ‘airspace.’ After February 9th I would take a hug from whoever wanted to offer it. Mostly because of the cold of course. Don’t want to sully my hardcore reputation. Thanks for making this a really special day everyone. And those that weren’t able to attend – we know you were here in spirit and we appreciate it.

March 8th, 8:50am: Good morning family. If you’re coming out today – please dress warmly. It’s -7 right now but I think it will keep warming up, probably get up to around 10 above today I’d guess, maybe a tad higher. We’re trying to put out as many of the cards and things people have sent with Windchill in his stall as possible. I’ll be sure to take some pictures so that you can see his final resting spot, for those unable to come out. And later this weekend I hope to start working on the photo gallery I mentioned I’d be working on. My priority had been getting the forum up for all of us and I think that’s been very well received.

March 7th, 7:05pm: To the world at large – the only word I can think of is WOW. I went to my PO Box today and apparently it is possible to send love through the United States Postal Service. My PO box was full and had several cards telling me to go to the counter – I gave the card to the rep who looked at it and said “Oh yeah, you have A LOT of mail.” In realm that existed before I had met you, the world, ‘a lot of mail’ meant it would fit in my arms or in a small box. A lot of mail meant the credit card companies had tracked me down and that I may have already won…  What the new definition of a lot of mail is they have to let me use a card to bring it out and it’s a good thing I have a truck with an extended cab! You sent cookies, you sent gifts, you sent cards, you sent donations for his foundation. The Friends of Barbaro have registered a star in Windchill’s name – appropriately in the Pegasus cluster, we now have a beautiful framed declaration and location of the star (thanks Ann – who acted as FOB’s ambassador for this). There were care packages with hot cocoa and coffee. And in the spirit of the Appaloosa part of Windchill and in Native American tradition, Jill from Duluth sent a pouch with tobacco to keep near Windchill’s urn – which we will honor Jill. There’s an Apache blessing to keep near Windchill, honoring his spirit (and again, we will honor your wishes and keep it near). I hope those of you that sent such beautiful tributes will consider posting the tributes and your thoughts regarding them on Windchill’s forum. I don’t know if I can post it right here without possibly violating somebody’s copyrighted thoughts but they’re beautiful. Many of you have also sent poems and beautiful tributes and now that there’s the forum, I may try to start cutting and pasting some of them but I don’t want to risk violating anyone’s personal thoughts in doing so I’ve been cautious in that regard.

Somebody’s thoughts that I don’t believe will be offended that I share will be Ms. Millard’s 1st grade class from Meadowvale Elementary School, Elk River, MN. Ms. Millard and our little friends – the scrapbook you made is so beautiful. I know that you wrote it around the time Windchill’s friends at Northern Lights Elementary School in Superior, WI wrote get well letters and I hope that you all have read Windchill’s letter to you that he had left in his stall. Because Ms. Millard’s first grade class words have such hope for a little colt, I’m typing them up — they’re too precious not to share. I wish you could see the book they made, which they called “Someday”. Click here to read the wisdom carried by the young

March 7th, 11:02am: Morning friends. I’m sorry for the late post but I’m still adjusting to the normal world again and took the day off today to sort of ‘crash’. The pain is working its way out of my system, one of the nurses from work who has the unfortunate role of being my advisor when I goof something up (like the spilled coffee incident…groan…) said it will be some time before my own systems return to normal. In the meantime, it’s ibuprofen to take the ‘edge’ off and this morning just laying trying to get some rest. Fortunately people have been understanding and supportive in my work life.

More importantly for you – after two days of testing and working on the forum, it’s being moved to a new high speed server with a lot of bandwidth this morning. We think we’ve got the bugs out though you may prove me wrong once this starts but the important thing is that shortly we will have a way for everyone to talk, to post their thoughts and their grief and find out that they’re not alone. I think we all need that. I’ve done my best to respond to emails as quickly as I can but as I type this, there are 600 sitting in my inbox and some of you have sent back responses to my responses and I read what I wrote and wonder if I’m on any prescription medication or if english is my second language. The answer is no to both of those but at least that would’ve given me an excuse.

The new forum is located at: Windchill Forum

The forum is a work in progress – it will eventually be a component of the Windchill foundation site – I have a request out for people to develop the new site. Unfortunately developers have had difficulty understanding this is for a non-profit site. I’m also not sure how the blogging will work – if you still want me to be blogging. Not sure whether that should be here on this site, or on the forum. It probably won’t be part of the official foundation site since my views may not be what equine director emeritus’ Windchill’s views might be on things – for instance I make no bones that I like cigars and coffee, his views may be different on that (though he never complained once I might add). Thus please bear with us as we get this going. Even though we’re still tweaking the forum even as I type this, I’m going to announce it now so that you have a place to start talking. The speed issues will be resolved shortly as it migrates to its new high speed, high bandwidth server. One thing I’ve learned in ‘talking’ with you like this – you like to listen apparently. For you techies, this blog and site are now using around 120 gig of bandwidth. The most I ever used in the past was 4 gig for an entire month! Thanks for your support, your kind words and your prayers. You are amazing people.

By the way, we’ve heard from quite a few people hoping to come out tomorrow to see Windchill, the stall he lived, talk and remember. Some folks are flying in, many others are driving. I’ll try to post the weather later so you know what you’re in for. It’s nice out today, though still only 1 degree so a bit colder than some of the places you’re coming from.

Windchill books: I’ve mentioned the idea of writing a couple of books – one for ‘big’ people and one for ‘little’ people and gotten a lot of support for the idea (the proceeds of which would go to the foundation or fund). Ummm, does anyone have any idea how you actually publish the book(s)? Are any of you literary agents or knowledgeable in how to go about this? I suppose we could self publish these days. I don’t know, I guess I find with Windchill gone what energy I have I want to apply to the greater good. To me that’s meant finding a way to connect you all up to talk and heal, work on the foundation idea and the books idea. It’s probably left over adrenaline I’m guessing. Thanks for listening to these ramblings and letting me know your thoughts, this has helped me immensely knowing we haven’t been in this alone.

I was looking where to cut off the posts from the original Windchill saga in 2008 and realized just as much occurred in the month following Windchill’s death as happened during. Therefore, unedited, I’m posting the next month’s worth of posts because it really showed how Windchill’s family came together even more, helping each other heal, helping us form what would become The WindChill Legacy, Ltd., how money can corrupt as in the case of all of the donations that came in to the Duluth-based non-profit who had promised to help us in our time of need with the donations you all sent in to help with Windchill’s costs. Of course we saw that same thing happen at a major Minnesota university as well – thank God for University of California-Davis and their constant presence, assistance and advice during the Windchill days. Unselfishly and without desire for publicity or money they gave of their time and advice – they actually returned our phone calls! Individuals stepped forward as did organized folks like the Fans of Barbaro and gave of their time, money and energy. To all of you we raise our glasses in toast and we remember your generosity, your warm, caring hearts and the positive energy you sent to carry us in our time of need. God bless everyone of you and thank you for your noble natures.

Jeff Tucker