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Jeffrey L. Tucker's Yummy Bread Recipe
Recommended by that fifth dentist that wouldn't recommend
Trident to his patient that chews gum.
This is the first of a series of recipes you may try at home without worry about
royalty fees or other charges.
No self-respecting web page would allow itself to remain in existence without
at least one truly superb recipe. Since this web page does not respect itself,
you are stuck with the following recipe instead. This is Jeff's party for your
mouth. You'll need:
- 2 slices of bread, white if you want it to stay in
your stomach for over 2 generations, whole wheat if you don't want to listen
to the calorie conscious, who are never happy unless everybody suffers
- Butter, look for the "Cholesterol Clogged" label
- Cinnamon (about half a gallon)
- Sugar (3 gallons or pounds, exact measurement is not
necessary, go by volume, the more the better)
- A toaster or lighter
- A knife
Place bread in toaster and cook. A good rule of thumb I use when cooking is
cook it until it burns, bubbles, smokes or pops. I feel strongly that you don't
need to use a timer if you have a smoke detector installed. It is important to
note that you should not butter the bread until after you've toasted it and do
butter the bread while it is still toasting. After
bread is toasted and buttered, place the bread on counter or ground. Do
place the bread buttered side down. You will see why
shortly. Now in your hand or a mixing bowl, mix the cinnamon and sugar together
until it has the consistency and look of cinnamon and sugar mixed. Now pour the
mixture onto the buttered side of the bread. Now you can see why we wisely
placed the bread on the ground with the buttered side up. Continue pouring the
mixture until each piece of toast resembles a scale model of the Rocky
Mountains. You should see no bread under the mounds of cinnamon/sugar. If your
teeth don't hurt before even biting into your delicious Yummy Toast then you've
done this wrong.
Here's a fun thing you can do with your friends and family now that your meal
is complete. It's a good idea to chew your food at least 32 times before
swallowing. What they don't tell you is that you don't have to do this with each
bite so make a game of it. Chew one bite once, and the next bite 63 times.
There's lots of combinations and I recommend you try them all. This can provide
for hours of amusement. Bon appetit!
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