Diary of an anonymous showhorse...(transcribed by Jeff)
dear diary, today is, umm, well another day: i have a busy day
planned. i have to go eat now. i am hoping black horse doesn't get me
again by yelling "hay!" and then laughing when we all look. will write
more later.
okay, i'm back. today i ate. i'm tired. what a busy day. black horse
got us again by yelling "hay!". we call him black horse because he is a
horse.
dear diary, today we were talking over hay and had a great idea. if
Person Who Feeds Us comes out with that rope and thingie that goes
around our head, the herd thinks if i stand perfectly still Person Who
Feeds Us won't see me and i can stay here.
okay, i'm back. stood still when Person Who Feeds Us came out like
the herd said to do. stupid herd.
dear diary, it's day again. black horse has already yelled "hay!"
three times. i won't fall for it tomorrow. the herd had another idea for
when Person Who Feeds Us comes out with the rope thingie. today i will
nonchalantly amble away if Person Who Feeds Us approaches. i will also
feign deafness.
okay, i'm back. implemented the nonchalantly ambling away from Person
Who Feeds Us while also feigning deafness tactic this morning. stupid
herd.
dear diary, today i yelled "hay!" and then forgot and looked anyway.
black horse now says i can fool myself when he's busy.
dear diary, Person Who Feeds Us shaved off all my hair. black
horse says i look good cold and shivering.
dear diary, today i got black horse back. i told him at least he
doesn't get that little bitty treat that i get from Person Who Feeds Us
after walking in endless circles for hours in the wood fence place. not
sure why he laughed so hard but i'm sure i got him though, didn't i?
dear diary, the herd had a great idea. today i will stand among them
thus fooling Person Who Feeds Us, making them confused as to which horse
is which and i can stay here and eat.
okay, i'm back. attempted to blend with herd just as planned. rest of
herd suddenly disappeared. stupid herd.
dear diary, the herd had a great idea. today when Person Who Feeds
Us takes me out and puts the butt holder on me and makes me go to the
wood fence place i will show absolute terror at commonplace objects that
i have seen every day of my life.
okay, i'm back. stupid herd. i wish i had one of those little
flexible stingy stick things to use on black horse...
okay, i'm back again...it was just a nightmare...I dreamt Person Who
Feeds Us kept saying "keep your head on the rail, keep your head on the
rail..." oh, and also black horse kept saying "hay!" and i kept looking.
no more onion grass before bed...
dear diary, today the herd had a great idea. they theorize that the
reason Person Who Feeds Us needs me to walk in circles in the wooded
fence place is that they probably can't do that by themself. therefore
if i stand in the farthest corner of the pasture like i am right now
Person Who Feeds Us will not be able to walk out this far by themself
and will give up...wait is that the food holder shaking, be right
back...
okay, i'm back...stupid herd. at least i get that little treat after
walking in circles. tomorrow i won't fall for that food holder shaking
thing, i have my pride...
dear diary, black horse acted like there was food in the food holder
thing this morning. of course i had to quickly check that out... i don't
know where he disappeared to when Person Who Feeds Us put the rope
thingie on me.
dear diary, Person Who Feeds Us is coming towards me. i have
decided to turn this to my advantage today and continue my training of
Person Who Feeds Us. today i am going to quickly do everything they ask
of me as we walk in endless circles thus fooling them into giving me a
little treat at the end of our circles.
okay, i'm back...knowing how i cunningly outwitted Person Who Feeds Us
by doing everything asked of me to get that little treat, i told black
horse my plan. he was drinking at the time and snorted water through his
nose. while he pretended it was funny i am certain he was snorting due
to my brilliance...oh yeah - i should also note i only looked four times
today when black horse yelled "hay!" and then pointed at the hay bale
while laughing as we looked up.
dear diary, black horse pointed out something to us today that got
me to thinking - the grass is always greener where we aren't. thus the
answer to my problems lays on the other side of that wire. if i can get
out, i won't have to walk in circles in the wooden fence area and i will
have the greenest grass ever. i can't wait. tonight, i am going to
employ a trick we have - the mysterious fence is down for no apparent
reason trick...
dear diary, i've done it! i'm out, i'm out...i'm free! after
employing the mysterious fence is down for no apparent reason trick i am
now where the grass is greener...
dear diary, i am the only one here. the grass tastes no better. i
can't get back in, the mysterious fence is down for no apparent reason
trick only works one way, what have i done? just when i begin to feel
the panic black horse yells "hay!" and i look... oh if only i wasn't
prone to random and sudden acts of misjudgment. i called to the herd but
they only stand and stare, black horse promised that we would do this as
a herd....stupid herd... just when i begin to feel the panic black horse
yells "hay!" and i look... meanwhile i continue to walk in circles
outside the safe place. wish i was back in the safe wooden fence
place...just when i begin to feel the panic black horse
yells "hay!" and i look...
dear diary, Person Who Feeds Us came home. after acting bewildered
and skittish i finally decided to be caught against my will. i'm now
safe and sound back in our safe world...
dear diary, the grass sure looks greener outside of our safe
world...
Today's Mare Care Tip by Rain:
Mud goes a long way to fixing that awful clean smell that comes from the bath
that Person Who Feeds You insists on giving you just before being put in the
wheeled box. Substitute dirt and manure if mud not easily available.
